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Aiming for 11:03

Whoever tells you that multitasking isn’t a thing is sorely mistaken, and I’ll tell you for why – I have single-handedly managed to convince myself that I am simultaneously existing as the baddest of bitches, yet also as a troll who looks more like a potato than a human being. I know, I know; it’s a talent. I’ll be gazing at myself adoringly in the mirror at 11:00, telling myself that natural beauty has never been so apparent in a person, and then promptly at 11:06, I’ll be looking into the same mirror telling myself that I bear an alarming resemblance to a Colorado river toad (it’s the eyes).

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