Updated: May 3
I used to be really opinionated, in a way that was too self righteous and dominating - in my current opinion. But I started moving in circles of people who spoke like activists but didn't act. People who militantly dictated their strong beliefs to me as if it was their job to educate me and bring me up to speed as the young, petite blonde girl that I am.
After spending time with these sorts of people, I realized that I really didn't want to be like them. I resented the dominance act they fueled their speech with and realized that I too, was starting to use my views to feel powerful compared to others.
As of now I feel unqualified to attempt some sort of conversion lecture aimed at making those around me beat to sound of my drum. It is not my job to say that my opinions are right and yours are wrong because at the end of the day I don't have all the answers and access to your experiences. Most importantly, I am not God.
My views are what I determine to be liberal and encompassing the fact that my thoughts will likely change and have changed throughout my lifetime. I therefore do not feel in a position to stand by them with a steadfast faith in myself. I live by the concept that as I am not God, I cannot expect to know everything and for my opinions to be perfectly accurate. This relates to my life in the way that I try to understand other peoples situations, whilst accepting that I am not in a position to judge, because I am not omniscient.
But as a result of this, I am apparently what is now referred to as a 'snowflake'. A 'spiritual snowflake' to be clear. My views are based on the ever failing attempt I make to have compassion for everyone - and this ideology is yet to be achieved. My views are also based on the mentors I have come across in my life - Jan at my junior school, Sheila at my secondary school and Jeremy, the vicar at the church I grew up in. These people had compassion and although I'm sure they made rational judgement about me, they didn't make me feel inadequate as I started to express the first hints of my mental health issues.
I often feel as though my views lack conviction. I don't have the best self esteem and spending time around people who are so confident and outspoken in their beliefs can make me feel unsafe. This is because, and I know that a lot of these thoughts come from my own condemning narrative, I am made to feel as though my views are inadequate and come from a place of being uneducated, naive and ignorant to the 'real world'. Our views simply encompass the values that we go on to live our life by and I am fairly confident that my way of life will offend less people and include less criminal convictions and professional sanctions than theirs. So good luck to all the snowflakes and bureaucrats out there and if our ego's are brought down a peg or two, we may even realize that the world never revolved around us in the first place.